I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
