I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
