Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
