i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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