maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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