i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize