Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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