A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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