Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
