laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
