did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize