Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize