He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
