I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize