So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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