even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
