I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
