I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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