So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
