she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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