we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
