i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
