he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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