Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
