it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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