I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
