If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
