just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
