I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The uberlube is also flammable
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
