don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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