is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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