Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love having hate sex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
