September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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