halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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