What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
