You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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