Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
