I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
