Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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