You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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