trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
