I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
