Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Text me some of your sweat
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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