so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
