She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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