my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
