It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
