i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
