He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
