well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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