Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
