I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
