I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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