Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
