when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
