In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
