i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
