just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize