What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
