I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
