im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
