But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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