I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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