If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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