y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
