P.S. I can't hear my feet
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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