i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
