I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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