So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
