he wants to bone in the snuggie
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
