I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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