Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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