He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
