last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
