y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think people are normalizing furries
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
