he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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